There are few people in this world that can say that they have spent several months fretting whether or not they will be murdered by a surfing water beast.

Unfortunately, I am one of these few.

The first time I met Vesuvius was in my dream. He was obviously hell-bent on trying to be the modern Freddy Krueger, as he jumped into a flirty fantasy I was enjoying and drenched it in darkness. The rose-petals I had been imagining dissolved into thick, splotches of blood in my mind and an arc-backed figure hobbled towards me. The closer he came, the more I could smell his signature dirty stench of wet wool that soaked up the floor of a fishery. I felt like I had swallowed the contents of an ashtray.

I remember how nastily Vesuvius had first spoken to me, and how I had used every nerve in my body to try and pull myself back to reality. But I couldn’t. I was a prisoner in this subconscious interrogation with pale-skinned monster. I was forced to listen,

“Child. How dare you look at me?! The ultimate punishment awaits you..not here….not now…when you are not thinking of me, I will come.”

Since this night, I have not been able to stop thinking about the hunch-backed, pasty man that had scratched around inside my mind. I could feel his presence everywhere I went. In the deserted toilets in silent corners of the city. In moments of darkness when the train traveled through tunnels. If I laughed too much at a joke, I feared that he would feel forgotten and come at me from the television, from the drain, from the dark corners of the pool. Everything I did was tainted with the lingering thoughts of Vesuvius.

He demanded I call him Vesuvius.

The second time I met him, I didn’t have a chance.

I had been thinking of what an amazing night I had just had- winning Bingo twice and afterwards finding an unopened cheeseburger on the ground, still warm mind you. I had also made a new friend. Bobbins the local hobo had waved me over, and I couldn’t help indulging in a quick conversation. The cheeseburger had put me in a sociable mood.

“War zat?”  Bobbins had grunted.

“Remnants of a cheeseburger” I had explained.

Bobbins had begun to wildly shake his head and pointed at a space beside of me. His eyes grew round and scared. He had begun to repeatedly whisper no, no, no, no.

“Oh, Bobbins. You’re a funny one” and I had thought nothing of it and had completely forgotten about Vesuvius’ promise…

As I had been walking home late and was crossing the stone bridge that usually takes me over the river, Vesuvius took me instead. He took me by surprise. He stood as a lanky obstacle on the opposite side of the river, staring at me with devil red eyes and clenched fists. It looked as if he had either come straight from a swim in the river, or he had managed to piss himself in his corpse-like state. I cringed and smelt that familiar drenched fish scent.

Vesuvius must have sensed my disgust or seen my scrunched up nostrils as he suddenly began to stride towards me.

Pad

Pad

PAD

Louder and louder his footsteps became until his face met mine. An awkward headbutt from him knocked me to the ground, and I joined Vesuvius and there was liquid dripping down my leg too.

“Please, sir. I didn’t mean to forget you…I just don’t understand what you want from me!”

The creature giggled, a girlish sound that made me reconsider taking it to be a man. It wrapped its wet claws around my wrists and hastily dragged me down to the river. I wished I was dreaming, or dead already, for nothing could prepare me for the underwater horrors I was about to experience with Vesuvius by my side, or rather, above me.

He tore my limbs off before pushing my torso into the current. The water stung my wounds, and I pathetically tried to writhe to the surface as Vesuvius, the slimy she-man, rode me like a surfboard until my previous wish came true.